I’m not going to sugarcoat this: Milwaukee Public Schools are done for. Their inexorable death spiral has pretty much reached the point of no return. Where do I even begin? Before we get to the statistics – the numbers just don’t add up – let’s address the current state of affairs, shall we? As everybody knows, the schools have been falling apart for quite some time now. Test scores and report card grades are going downhill. Kids are being shoved, poked, and prodded into classrooms that only get more and more crowded. Resources – desks, writing supplies, textbooks, the works – are scant. Parents are pulling their children out of the district at blazing speeds. And worst of all, the budget is a ticking time bomb that is mere moments from detonation. Left-wingers say it’s a lack of funding. I beg to differ.

If It Wasn’t for Those Meddling Facts, I Would’ve Gotten Away with It, Too

The Official Narrative™ goes a little bit something like this: The MPS budget is being ripped, pierced, severed, and slashed with a chainsaw. Governor Walker – that dastardly, union-busting fascist – is robbing our kids, sneaking off with the loot, and rolling in piles of money with his B.F.F. Koch Brothers. (Of course, if you follow this logic, it was actually the rich who were being taxed to pay for the schools – so they were the ones being robbed, not teh childrenz, who are actually only second in line next to the educrats when the money rolls around. See, I can demagogue and tell scare stories, too.)

Now just imagine if more spending did actually lead to schools becoming the best thing since Jesus. If this theory had any real-world basis whatsoever, all we’d have to do is build them the size of the Mall of America – complete with decorated military veterans as security guards, Olympic-style gymnastics training centers, five-star gourmet cafeterias, state-of-the-art computer software rubberstamped by none other than the Pentagon, tubes that transport avid bookworms to the Library of Congress at the speed of light, and NASA space shuttles for fieldtrips to outer space. Glitz and glamour do not constitute a good education, however. And taxpayers have families to feed. Not happening.

With all the union-funded propaganda ads that have hit the airwaves over the past few months, many would be surprised to learn that Milwaukee Public Schools are more spendthrift than all but three districts in the entire United States of America. You heard me right. Not only is it the highest-spending district in Wisconsin, but it also falls into the top four highest-spending districts in the whole freaking country, with $14,000 per student. (Chew that apple very carefully, and then tell me how it tastes. I want to know how you like them.) If that’s “austerity,” then we as a nation are officially at the end of our rope.

Surely, those teachers are being paid peanuts, right? “Grumble, grumble. Something about the word ‘underpaid,’ Wal-Mart greeters, and slave labor. Grumble, grumble. The bumper stickers told me to say it. Brainsssss.” Hate to break it to you, my bloodthirsty harbingers of the apocalypse, but total compensation for the run-of-the-mill MPS teacher runs in excess of $100,000 a year. Gee, you can’t even buy a 2012 Lamborghini Aventador with that pittance. For shame.

Despite record spending levels and lavish teacher compensation, however, academic achievement is not Milwaukee’s middle name. (For only $9.99, you can get my “Fun with Clichés” video series for only half the price. Throw in a couple cents, and you can also get my “Overused Catchphrases Dictionary” for almost diddly squat. Order now, while supplies last!) As I said before, student performance is not so peachy cream. The dropout rate is downright staggering. Many districts that spend less – Philadelphia, for example – are zipping ahead of MPS by miles. According to newly released figures, Milwaukee students are lagging behind in math and reading compared to the national average, even for urban districts. Blacks and other minority students apparently are being fleeced the worst, as they have a lot of catching up to do with their white counterparts. Serious divides also exist along class lines. Though gaps between the advantaged and disadvantaged have always been the norm, the disparities are especially stark in the greater Milwaukee area.

Elsewhere, I broke down (wiggity, wiggity, whack) some of the reasons why more funding won’t rehabilitate this sick puppy – or the public school system in general, for that matter. But, for the moment being, I’d like to give my undivided attention (this is where a good dose of Ritalin comes in handy) to one significant explanation for the whole “more funding does not equal better outcomes” thing that MPS has had to come to terms with. It’s simple, really. Much of that money doesn’t make it back to the classroom (and even when it does, it’s often poured down the drain on frivolous things that do nothing to enhance the learning process). Resources that would otherwise be used to expand district payrolls (read: more teachers and aides), purchase classroom supplies, and update technology are often tied down to lofty financial promises that, in many cases, were made to teachers decades ago. Not only are millions of dollars poured each year into insuring current workers, but taxpayers are also on the hooks for millions that must be paid to retirees who were promised pensions and health benefits beyond their wildest dreams. These perks were designed to attract well-trained and highly-skilled educators (many of whom need pricey remedial training, apparently) to the district, but they might spell bankruptcy for MPS if nothing is done to reign them in.

Blame the Hippies

Bankruptcy, you say? Surely, I’m laying it on a little bit too thick, aren’t I? Sounds like I’ve been reading one too many rapture novels. To tell you the truth, though, if I was hired as a bookkeeper for these people – and was asked to run through the numbers, review the accounts, and promptly report on their financial outlook for the foreseeable future – I’d probably tell them they were screwed. On its current trajectory, MPS cannot survive much longer without laying off hundreds of teachers, putting salaries and benefits on the chopping block, and making devastating cuts to art programs, music classes, phy-ed, and extracurriculars – all of which will manifest itself in waning enrollment and educators looking elsewhere for a decent paycheck. I’d tell the administrators, “Your finances are out of whack. Either you’re going to have to shut down the district or take the slash and burn approach. Those are your only two options. Give your employees an ultimatum: give up the spoils or lose your jobs. We can’t afford to keep you on the payrolls without trimming back your pensions and cutting your pay. Make your choice. The clock is ticking.”

But didn’t the school board just green-light a whale’s worth of cost-saving measures? Kind of. Pay is frozen for three straight years. The retirement age goes up. You have to work longer to be eligible for fringe benefits. Part-time employees have to pony up more toward their own health insurance and retirement nest-egg. The second pension is history. Many employees are having their medical bills covered by lower-priced insurers – or, at the very least, at a reduced rate. Overall, these measures will save the district about $1 billion over a thirty-year period, which is oodles of dough, if I do say so myself. But the unfunded liability for retirees’ health insurance – that’s right, the district still covers retirees’ premiums even after they’ve left the roost – is over $2 billion. Ten years down the road, that liability will swell to more than double. This is where the screwed part comes in.

Back in the age of flower children and hippies, a sacred pledge was made to the presumably beatnik, wavy-haired, tin-eyeglass-wearing teachers – who, tired of jamming to protest songs against “The Man,” wanted to infiltrate the Establishment (again, I only presume). This is what was said to them: Even after you check into the old folks’ home – face it, we all become one of “them” someday – you’ll still get to retain the insurance coverage you so happily cherished while working with our staff. And, to top it all off, we’ll pay for the highest-priced policy offered. What a deal. Of course, there were certain caveats. You had to work 15 years, use less than 30 percent of your sick leave, and couldn’t retire until age 55. Still, anyone in the private sector would kill for an offer like that. But now the bill – the hippies’ bill – is coming due. (C’mon, don’t tell me you haven’t scapegoated some innocent group of people before. Don’t look at me like that. Put down the torches and pitchforks. Put them down. Put them – oh, dear me.)

Here’s the deal (and let’s get serious for a moment): Senior staff members are retiring. People are living longer than ever before. Current health costs have already outpaced inflation. The district chose the “pay-as-you-go” route instead of building up cash-reserves. MPS won’t be able to raise the necessary revenue through taxes to meet the promises they’ve made to retirees. The annual payout for retirees’ health coverage is supposed to be $200 million. The district is only paying about a third of that. Each year the unfunded medical liability is short-changed, that liability grows. Within the next decade, only half of all revenue will be available for classroom purposes and teacher pay. You know how the rest of the story goes.

Side Note: On issues of war and peace, I’m what Ayn Rand would have called a “right-wing hippy,” or, as she pronounced it in that thick Russian accent of hers, a “racht-wing ippy.” So no offense is meant by the preceding paragraphs. Though I might have ticked off a few Russians just now. Can’t. Stop. Kicking myself in the shin!

My Union-Buster, My Hero

Walker’s budget repair bill (oh no, there’s that dastardly Hitler reincarnate’s name again!) gave school districts the tools they needed to cut costs, require teachers to chip in more for their health and retirement benefits, and nudge the unions to the side in budget negotiations. So if administrators want to tweak unsustainable pay and benefits as part of a belt-tightening agenda, they have more leeway to do so, since there isn’t a union boss standing in the way with his hand out barking, “Stop in the name of workers’ rights! If you want to close the budget gap, you’re going to have to cut funding for textbooks, desks, computers, and writing materials instead! Drop the sports programs. The special-ed kids will have to make do with what they have. Parents and kids won’t mind less time for music, gym, and art – which are just nonessentials anyway. Anything but the pensions! Anything but the paychecks! You so much as touch the teachers, and we will go on strike! We don’t care if the district has to close the schools. You’re in union territory now, and you just messed with the wrong people!” That kind of mafia-style, extortionist browbeating is now illegal, thanks to new collective bargaining rules. Unions can still negotiate for higher pay on behalf of their workers, but only past a certain rate of inflation – and with voter approval. (“You mean, the people paying our benefits get a say at the negotiating table? Outrageous!”) Everything else is off the table. You don’t like the terms of the contract, you send a letter to administrative offices or quit your job. It’s as simple as that.

Thanks again, Governor Walker. Your legacy is one for the history books.

These new tools allow school districts to create millions of dollars in savings, which can then be used to finance classroom size reductions, merit-pay (where high-performance teachers get bonuses for their exceptional work), technology updates, new textbooks, new hirees, and more. Oshkosh, Madison, Neenah, Appleton, and countless other school districts have already taken advantage of these innovative cost-saving measures. (I will elaborate on that in my next blog post.)

The sad thing is, though, MPS was given the opportunity to renegotiate employee contracts for this express purpose, but since the contract was signed before Walker’s reforms were put into place, the unions backed the district into a corner and refused to make concessions. They wouldn’t budge. Gregory Thornton, the MPS head honcho, tried to get teachers to agree to a 5.8 percent contribution, off the top of their salaries, to their benefits. He had no luck. The contract won’t be re-opened, and as a result, massive layoffs and budgetary disaster might be right around the corner. Thanks for putting paychecks before students and jobs, unions.

Pop Goes the District

Is there anything that can be done to avert this looming fiscal disaster? Not really. Some proposals suggest we should place more students in charter schools that receive state aid. Each MPS student under the program is eligible for over $7,000 in state aid, and not all of the money has to be used for that kid’s education. The district can use it for other purposes if it so chooses. But current agreements set the bar at a measly 8 percent of students. The savings generated from such a proposal would barely make a dent in the district’s current shortfall. Of course, we could send more teachers packing. It would be a tragic and heartbreaking series of events, but we’re running out of options. Slashing pay and benefits seems ideal, but I don’t expect such dauntlessness from any budget-cutter, really.

There is no quick fix to the problems MPS is facing. In fact, I doubt there’s any “fix” at all. Patching up the leaks in a ship that has already hit the iceberg and is sinking below to its watery grave would require defying the laws of physics. Possible? I think not. If MPS was a business, it would have already declared bankruptcy and sealed the doors shut with hot glue and duct tape. Taxpayers aren’t going to put up with the unremitting avalanche of bailouts for which they are expected to pick up the tab, especially at a time when homes are being foreclosed upon, mortgage-holders are falling behind on their payments, job losses are rampant, wages are on the decline, food is increasingly expensive, gas prices are rising, and businessowners are shutting their doors. There is no way out.

Milwaukee schools, death’s door sits before you.

With hundreds of Milwaukee public school teachers receiving layoff notices this year, the blogosphere is jumping on this story like a pack of vicious hounds, looking for someone – anyone – to blame for the terrible news. Predictably, the Left is placing the blame at Governor Walker’s doorstep, blathering on, as usual, about his “draconian” school funding cuts. The Right is blaming the stubbornness of MTEA, the district teacher’s union. There is a bit of truth to the official narratives of both sides, though, unlike the Left, I argue that dismantling the public school system would be the best thing that could ever happen to education. While Walker hasn’t quite put his foot in that territory yet, his school choice reforms, otherwise known as “backpack funding,” are a start. As for the Right, I can’t help but smile when I hear them rail against the dreaded teachers’ unions. Finally, my people are growing a spine! (Even in Congress, apparently.) But they always stop one sentence short of saying the public school system is out of whack because of its nature, not just because the unions are standing in the way of progress by protecting the jobs and benefits of bad educators.

Nevertheless, you can’t blame conservatives for questioning the politically correct rendition of events spoon-fed to us by the mainstream media. Superintendent Gregory Thornton, time and time again, has asked the union to make some minor concessions, like – get ready for this – requiring district teachers to pay a little bit more for their retirement benefits (a 5.8 percent contribution off the top of their salaries). Dear God, I think he just drowned a puppy! Thornton says he can “save” the jobs of many MPS teachers with his proposal, since it would create millions of dollars in savings for the district. All the union needs to do is cooperate a little bit and make some sacrifices for the sake of the children. (If the Left can exploit kids to make an argument, so can I.) Wouldn’t you know it, though: like the spoiled brats they are, the union won’t budge. And neither will its members, including the teachers receiving layoff notices. That’s right. Don’t question your union bosses, sweetheart. Just beg your precious president for another teacher bailout at the expense of states and school districts who were actually responsible enough to get their fiscal house in order. Defend your union to the bitter end, because if you don’t – you might to need to lock your family up in a closet and never let them see the light of day again.

The Left recoils at this argument. “Listen here, you stupid right-wing hack. The unions agreed to several concessions in the contract they ratified with the school district late last year. Wage freezes. Bigger health care contributions. How could you miss this?” As it turns out, the union was continuously warned not to ratify their contract with the district until Walker strolled into office and passed his budgetary repair bill, which was presumed to include cuts in state “aid” to local school districts and minor alterations to the salaries and benefit packages of government workers. But the union went ahead and ratified the contract anyway. Why did these people act so foolishly?  Well at first glance, the concessions appeared to offset any funding cuts that were about to hit the district. According to your average left-winger, nobody foresaw the things this Governor was capable of. I myself was surprised by his courage to stand up to these union thugs and strip away their privileges. Who knew this governor, who appeared to be a political “moderate” during the elections, would actually be bold enough to curtail the power of public-sector unions in this state? I never thought I’d see the day. And we’re told the unions experienced the same awe-struck feeling I did. But should they have?

Never in their worst nightmares did the government unions of Wisconsin predict the passage of a law hacking away at their collective bargaining rights power. And that’s precisely why, the lefties shriek, the MPS teachers’ unions pushed through a contract in December instead of waiting around like a bunch of idiots. You can’t campaign on a platform of yanking away the taxpayer-financed goodies of government workers in a pro-union hotbed like Wisconsin and expect to win an election. So, naturally, Walker didn’t mention it until – oh my gawsh – that very same December. On second thought, maybe the union should have seen this coming. At the very least, leftists can’t argue, though some do, that the union couldn’t have possibly predicted school funding cuts. They did. That’s why the original concessions were made in the first place.

Leaving aside the fact that Walker brought up the subject the same month the contract was ratified, every Establishmentarian in the Wisconsin legislature was warning the unions not to “seal the deal” until Walker’s proposed budgetary reforms were revealed publicly. That way, any concessions that were made would have been large enough to offset school funding cuts and whatever else was coming. That “whatever else” was apparently earth-shattering enough to send the entire legislature, left and right, into panic mode. Someone knew this was coming. The fact that even Democrats were shaky about hammering out a final deal at such an early date should have sounded off some alarms. The day of reckoning has arrived, and the concessions, it turns out, aren’t big enough.

Looks like the union made a little oopsy. And it is costing MPS teachers dearly. Not only do the unions not care about children or education in general, but they don’t even seem to care about their own members – the people who pay their dues and swear an oath of loyalty to the brotherhood.

And people wonder why I hate unions so much.

To Be Continued.

In my next post: Kids are holding up signs saying “Cut the crap, not the teachers.” Their ideological sympathies are dubious, but this slightly irritating bumper-sticker slogan actually raises a lot of important questions, particularly in light of the recent disaster in Milwaukee. Turns out there is a lot of “crap” in the budget, including a bunch of empty buildings going unused, thousands of dollars set aside for classes teaching kids everything they need to know about hip-hop, and thousands more directed at re-training courses for teachers who should have been fired already. Stay posted.